Saturday, February 18, 2012

The devil in Elvis

This morning I read the Rookie article with John Waters, he talks about how Elvis was terrifying. Scott keeps pushing this point home and I have been trying hard to get it.  Elvis scared the shit out of people, he made weird noises and wiggled and just looked scary in a time where people moved politely and deliberately.
Then I started thinking of what I have to compare that to, I'll tell you what, it isn't a whole hell of a lot.
Sure, last weekend Nicki Minaj pissed off a slew of people by having he "pope" accompany her to the Grammys. Truth be told, every other minute catholics are lambasting one person or another for acting inapro, whether it was The Gahg eating a rosary, Sinead O'Conner ripping up the pope or whatever else Madonna has ever done. By the time Nicki had been exorcised wasn't most of the world over it?
In order to do something controversial in music these days you would only have to...wait there really isn't anything left now is there.
The fact is Elvis freaked the worlds freak by doing nothing too crazy, in all fairness if you watch some of his videos it is slightly bizarre, he was super twitchy and wiggly and I can sort of see what it was that made everyone scared. He wasn't coated in blood, meat or stuffed animals, he wasn't triple kissing with a celeb old enough to be his mom, and he never once had to be suspended above a crowd with flames and indoor fireworks.
Elvis paved the way for the shock. Did he have any idea that the shock he would provide would just give us tired old antics of trying to piss off the right group of people?
Every time I open my gossip websites and see: "Nicki Minaj pissed off an old dude", " Lady Gaga is carrying around a mutilated crocodile", "Madonna is still doing shit even though she looks like the crypt keeper" or "Beyonces baby was awarded to her from the devil in a super secret Illuminati pact that will cause the end of the world" all I can do is give it a good jack off hand with an extra noisy "sploot" at the end.
I need to get into the mentality of "Elvis is evil because he is aware of his hips, I want to be aware of my hips therefore I must be evil."

Pictured: Someone in need of a squeegee and nap:

 Pictured: Hide your families because your eyes will be seared from their very sockets, behold the evil filth of the hip swivel!

Seriously, how do his legs do that?

Monday, February 13, 2012

I have been duped and neutered

I am livid, for reals livid.
I recently bought "A Dirty Shame" and did you know that the MPAA has raped this film?! I'm sorry, has coerced the film to have relations that it did not ask for.
No joke, like didn't say balls, and has cut out minuscule frames, it makes no difference if it's in there.
If you were going to watch this movie you know what you're in for, for fuck's sake didn't I just blog about how I watched a chicken get smushed by humans while boning, and now I'm watching something that won't let people say the word boner?! I watched Mink Stole, naked, with a dyed electric red snatch suck a guys big toe, and now I watched her with redubbing of the word boner.

I'm pissed, for real.
Now pardon me for a moment while I post something obscene:

Not obscene enough.

Now pardon me while I take my top off and run around for a bit.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Throw in a chicken for good measure

This afternoon I did it. I sat down and watched Pink Flamingos, the smuttiest of smut, the filth of all things filthy, the holy grail of nast. It lived up to its name. Maybe I'm not easily bothered by things because all I know is there wasn't one scabby pein to be seen, and that makes my day.
Few things about the movie: 

Edie is terrifying, she freaks my freak and I can't help it. Until the bonus footage where there's a scene of her playing with hard boiled eggs and it's probably the cutest thing ever. Also, it is coincidental that she is vaguely reminiscent of Big Edie Beale, right?

Mary Vivian Pierce is gorgeous, she's nasty and hot all at the same time and I have a friend who looks far too much like her. 

Divine did it, she is the most vile thing ever and I love every second of it. From the receding hairline to the meat shoved between her thighs, I worship the fame hunger that is Divine. 

Dog shit. Yea, it happened, but I'm glad to know that it looks like a good chunk of it was spit right back out, and that it didn't happen like I had pictured it either, thank god ( or thank Divine I suppose because she does proclaim herself god there at the end). Topping it off, that was one of the cutest dogs ever, so at least there's that. 

I must have been ruined by the internet or my imagination or something because on a whole there wasn't a  lot that made me gag, once that asshole got a little runny I did avert my glance. For the most part that "shock" did what it was intended to do, caused laughter. I love Raymond Marbles (David Lochary) and his ridiculous attempts to be a perv as well as his over the top ridiculous mustache (and all of the great wig work, that man was a god with a rat tailed comb)

Now onto my new personal lord and savior: Mink Stole. 
She is who I want to be when I grow up damn it, from her tiny little tits to her fur coats, I want it all. 

                           currently I'm attempting that hairstyle and typing at the same time...

Any one who utters the phrase : "I love you more than anything in this whole world! I love you even more than my own filthiness! More than my hair color! " is a winner in my book, and must be in love.

There are two major lessons that this movie has given me to apply to Crybaby:

1.) Babs, Connie and Raymond act out their filth but do it in the biggest most declarative way possible. It isn't enough for Connie and Raymond to have girls chained up in their basement so they can sell black market babies, oh no. They have to sell those babies to lesbians AND use the money to sell elementary schools. 
It's the mentality of " Hey, everybody look over here, I'm about to do something depraved...are you watching? You had better get your cameras because it's going to be one hell of a doozy of a nasty thing I'm gonna do". That's what the drapes do. They aren't perpetually doing terrible acts of no-good-ed-ness, they're playing music, hanging out with their friends until someone comes along who they have to prove themselves to. they have to make a big deal in a public place so everyone knows that they're the baddest kids around. 

2.) I'm also reading Role Models by Mr. Waters and it has one of the most pertinent quotes, in regards to his movies and this show.

"...and I knew that not only did I want to be a teenager-I wanted to be an exaggeration of a teenager." 

Whether it's being a teenager necking (facing?), the eyebrows drawn onto the side of Divines head, or the killer acting I have to keep thinking: Exaggerate That Shit. There is soooooooo much bigger than what I've got going on, I have only hit the level of actor whose gotten comfortable and is ready to play a little. I have to be, "Holy moses what drugs did that girl take before she walked out here." 

Last thing I swear! 
One of my favorite Online Magazines Rookie Magazine (Tavi Gevinson one of my all time girl crushes heads it), just had a post  about John Waters, I lost my shit when I signed in and their photographer had her collection of photos with an interview on it's way. Seriously, it is not to be missed: 

Please lets all thank Hazel from Rookie