It starts with a Venti....

...iced coffee with an extra shot of espresso and a grande mocha-y, whipped cream-y blended delicious heavenly treat thing around 10:45 AM

Labor day. 

Then Marcy and I hoofed it to the Jo-Ann fabrics and crafts as Labor Day sales are the best at fabric stores. There we encountered a gentleman patiently waiting for his wife, after overhearing what we were working on he showed us a picture of his grand father arresting Machine Gun Kelly in 1933, super cool. Dude emailed it to me. 

Oh hey notice how all of the police officers aren't wearing uniforms...

Then we stood in an extremely long check out line. The only thing that made it longer was a gremlin hell beast that had sobbed the ENTIRE time we were in the store. That fuck topped out at well over a half an hour, which is about 25 minutes longer than it needed to be doing anything.

I will openly admit that I gave that little bitch some side eye the likes of which he couldn't even comprehend, which caused it to hide behind it's awful mother.

Pictured: Actual photo of Shitty Child.

Next we punched it over to SLU where we frolicked in the child free world of costumers on their "day off" (It's funny, because there's no such thing). Pants were found. Suspenders dug through. It was a grand time had by all.

Remember earlier when I said that fabric stores have the best sales on Labor Day? I need to amend that statement to:

 Hancock Fabric jizzes all over Jo-anns face when it comes to sales.

The pattern we already bought? We paid 11 bucks for it. 

At Hancock...1.99. Not to mention 50% off fabric. 

Which is huge.

Why is this huge do you ask?

Oh I don't know...

Maybe because some ass hole decided that Bonnie needs to wear some fancy dress.

I have never in my life bought 20$ a yard fabric...until yesterday. 

After sticker shock and amazing coupons we trucked it over to what will undoubtedly be the next thrift store in the St. Louis area to close: SAVERS! 

For their out of control, one of a kind, you have to slap yourself in the face to believe it could be real, 50% off every damn thing in the store sale. 

Don't forget to bring your walking shoes because you will park half a mile away.

Also, don't forget your mace, bear or otherwise you will have to deal with over zealous old women.

Oh and let's not forget your patience--because yes, you are working, and yes you are measuring mens shirts, and no thank you guy with the eyes that are a little too light and unsettling, neither one of us really wants to be hit on in a thrift store. 

Thanks though (coincidentally that's the second time that's happened at the Savers...something about chicks measuring mens shirts and the smell of lysol I guess.).

Ya, you're cute and all but there's just something not quite right here...are you even old enough to drive?

We had done it. 

We had saved so much money. 

...all for the price of our sanity

and we had never really had that any way, right? 

Leftover pizza. Nap. Repeat. 

Throw in a chicken for good measure

This afternoon I did it. I sat down and watched Pink Flamingos, the smuttiest of smut, the filth of all things filthy, the holy grail of nast. It lived up to its name. Maybe I'm not easily bothered by things because all I know is there wasn't one scabby pein to be seen, and that makes my day.

Few things about the movie: 

Edie is terrifying, she freaks my freak and I can't help it. Until the bonus footage where there's a scene of her playing with hard boiled eggs and it's probably the cutest thing ever. Also, it is coincidental that she is vaguely reminiscent of Big Edie Beale, right?

Mary Vivian Pierce is gorgeous, she's nasty and hot all at the same time and I have a friend who looks far too much like her. 

Divine did it, she is the most vile thing ever and I love every second of it. From the receding hairline to the meat shoved between her thighs, I worship the fame hunger that is Divine. 

Dog shit. Yea, it happened, but I'm glad to know that it looks like a good chunk of it was spit right back out, and that it didn't happen like I had pictured it either, thank god ( or thank Divine I suppose because she does proclaim herself god there at the end). Topping it off, that was one of the cutest dogs ever, so at least there's that. 

I must have been ruined by the internet or my imagination or something because on a whole there wasn't a  lot that made me gag, once that asshole got a little runny I did avert my glance. For the most part that "shock" did what it was intended to do, caused laughter. I love Raymond Marbles (David Lochary) and his ridiculous attempts to be a perv as well as his over the top ridiculous mustache (and all of the great wig work, that man was a god with a rat tailed comb)

Now onto my new personal lord and savior: Mink Stole. 

She is who I want to be when I grow up damn it, from her tiny little tits to her fur coats, I want it all. 

                           currently I'm attempting that hairstyle and typing at the same time...

Any one who utters the phrase : "I love you more than anything in this whole world! I love you even more than my own filthiness! More than my hair color! " is a winner in my book, and must be in love.

There are two major lessons that this movie has given me to apply to Crybaby:

1.) Babs, Connie and Raymond act out their filth but do it in the biggest most declarative way possible. It isn't enough for Connie and Raymond to have girls chained up in their basement so they can sell black market babies, oh no. They have to sell those babies to lesbians AND use the money to sell heroin...in elementary schools. 

It's the mentality of " Hey, everybody look over here, I'm about to do something depraved...are you watching? You had better get your cameras because it's going to be one hell of a doozy of a nasty thing I'm gonna do". That's what the drapes do. They aren't perpetually doing terrible acts of no-good-ed-ness, they're playing music, hanging out with their friends until someone comes along who they have to prove themselves to. they have to make a big deal in a public place so everyone knows that they're the baddest kids around. 

2.) I'm also reading Role Models by Mr. Waters and it has one of the most pertinent quotes, in regards to his movies and this show.

"...and I knew that not only did I want to be a teenager-I wanted to be an exaggeration of a teenager." 

Whether it's being a teenager necking (facing?), the eyebrows drawn onto the side of Divines head, or the killer acting I have to keep thinking: Exaggerate That Shit. There is soooooooo much bigger than what I've got going on, I have only hit the level of actor whose gotten comfortable and is ready to play a little. I have to be, "Holy moses what drugs did that girl take before she walked out here." 

Last thing I swear! 

One of my favorite Online Magazines Rookie Magazine (Tavi Gevinson one of my all time girl crushes heads it), just had a post  about John Waters, I lost my shit when I signed in and their photographer had her collection of photos with an interview on it's way. Seriously, it is not to be missed: 

Please lets all thank Hazel from Rookie

Check out the rest, you know you wanna