Ooooo Scary!

It's really sad and awesome how this blogging works out. I start out all amped up about what sort of blog posts I'm going to make, which quickly disintegrates into "blog posts? Pffft, more like time to eat a burrito really fast and nap, posts...(I have never claimed to be articulate)".

I have several ideas for posts that are just churning around my head and when I actually have a moment to make a post I either do the above or freeze up and have nothing to write about. So let's remedy that, and by us I mean me and the stuffed, pink sparkle pony that lives in my office, because I have an adult job dammit.

This week we were treated to an incredible luxury that most actors couldn't even dream of: We were given a set. Not just a "taped out", "Those are steps, you can't just walk through steps, even 1 dimensional steps", but an honest to god set. Not a set that will give us splinters, but a set that is primarily done (with the exception of a floor and aging. AGING. Yes, you read that correctly, they have to come back through and make the set MORE bad ass) it's so done that an audience could have walked in last night and watched the show. Thank Christ they didn't, we looked like a hot mess, but a hot mess in progress.

This is what appeared when I image searched "Hot Mess" it was either this or Mischa Barton looking like Pete Doherty.

I have complete confidence that when we roll around to Monday, we're going to slap this show in the taint. Once we do that, there is no going back either, and for that I'm stoked. I'm so ready to be able to finally get lost in this world, even if it scares the shit out of me, and not have to search for my words or blocking or motivation. 

Not to mention once this week gets rolling, there's no looking back, we're stuck and it's going to be tiring and stressful and awesome and when we get done we may all look like this: 

I never promised that I wouldn't use this photo.

In the Name of all Holy Bejesus!

Okay Okay, I've been slacking with the blogging I get it! I will slack no more and I will get you all together on the same page as me for this Night of the Living Dead drama!

I've now watched NOtLD again as well as several documentaries (recommended by Scott and my cast mates) in order to prepare. The version of NOtLD was some special edition that had some bizarre added filler crap with some leader of Satanist Church, or Goatee Enthusiast Club President, I wasn't really clear on that part. The fact of the matter is whoever decided that those scenes were necessary in their telling or retelling, should be taught the whole "If it ain't broke, don't add weird facial hair to it" mantra (that's totes a mantra, look it up I swear I didn't just make it up right now...).

                            Awwwww ya, there's that sweet sweet goatee...said no one ever. 

Somewhere during my Junior or Senior year of high school one of my good friends and myself decided to go to the Loop (because we're obviously the coolest.) and do cool Loop activities that you do when you're 17. Incidentally, the same activities that now as a 28 year old crotchety woman I find annoying when they're taking place in my neighborhood, which is the Loop (because remember I'm the coolest). We took our selves straight into Vintage Vinyl and we purchased several DVD's (cutting edge for 2002) one of which was NOtLD, after buying bottomless root beer, (and drinking it RESPONSIBLY, the Scientology root beer story is for another day, trust me.) clove cigarettes (rebels!) and god knows what else it was time to head home and review our movie purchases. 

This was a more simple time for myself, I did not watch anything scary, the first two and a half minutes of The Ring scared me so shitless I only watched PBS for a good 3 months 

                                   EHMEHGED!!! I need Reruns of Are You Being Served NOW!!!! 

                                           

                                 Phew. That was a close one. Thanks for saving me Mr. Humphries. 

                     

Wait...where was I going with this...right:

This was the very first movie that I had managed to sit through start to finish that scared the bejeesus out of me. It scared me and began my love of all things zombie. Now I know that in recent years Zombies have gotten extremely sexy and over used but these zombies were the original, they were vacant, slow, eating machines that you had to kill first. Ever since that day I've wanted all things creepy and gross in my life. 

                                                                   Quack the Ripper! 

And he's available on Etsy: http://www.etsy.com/shop/shrunkenheaddotcom?ref=l2-shopheader-name Just remember that if for some reason you missed my birthday...ahem. 

Seriously.

Remember that time that I had a career of blogdom in my future ? Me neither, I made up that first part I really don't have a future in it but it sure is fun.

So here we are more than a year later reattempting a blog that has been long since forgotten. If I was someone who used my head more I would have blogged for every show I've ever done and even when I'm not in a show (what, what WHAAAAAT?!).

That being said the remount of Stupefy! goes up at the end of the week this time it's a little different, a little less dirty and just as goofy as it should be. I'm not too worried about how it's going to go, after all currently there's more than one sold out performance. What I'm wicked concerned about is what the fuck I'm going to do when the show wraps up. For real, this is going to be the longest that I've gone in a while without a project in the works. What. The. Fuck.

Excuse me now while I attempt to get my life (waaaaaaay easier said than done that's for sure)

Neglecting my blog like a drapes parents neglect they kids.

The past ten days have been bitchin'. We've gotten our sets and our costumes and everything we need to get a show happening. Our band is the shit. A few times Scotts been like "hey we have a sub _____" if he didn't say anything I wouldn't know because these musicians are ass kickers!
Tonight we get the most important part of any show. Not the lights, or sound, or baller music, tonight we get a real audience. Real people who have given their time and money in exchange for the hope that we can entertain them for a few hours. People who don't have to come and see anything, they could sit at home and clean out their DVR's instead they have decided to let us strut our stuff just for them. Without an audience we would all be standing around jacking each other off in the dark (well, eww, sorry.) (it would be dark though cause lighting guys have better things to do then hang out with a bunch of actors who aren't working toward a main goal). Tonight we get to strut our wild stuff because if we didn't have an outlet for strutting that stuff we'd all probably be strippers or criminals, anything for the attention.

I'm going to take this moment to thank every audience I have ever had, without you guys my life wouldn't exist, thank you!

The devil in Elvis

This morning I read the Rookie article with John Waters, he talks about how Elvis was terrifying. Scott keeps pushing this point home and I have been trying hard to get it.  Elvis scared the shit out of people, he made weird noises and wiggled and just looked scary in a time where people moved politely and deliberately.
Then I started thinking of what I have to compare that to, I'll tell you what, it isn't a whole hell of a lot.
Sure, last weekend Nicki Minaj pissed off a slew of people by having he "pope" accompany her to the Grammys. Truth be told, every other minute catholics are lambasting one person or another for acting inapro, whether it was The Gahg eating a rosary, Sinead O'Conner ripping up the pope or whatever else Madonna has ever done. By the time Nicki had been exorcised wasn't most of the world over it?
In order to do something controversial in music these days you would only have to...wait there really isn't anything left now is there.
The fact is Elvis freaked the worlds freak by doing nothing too crazy, in all fairness if you watch some of his videos it is slightly bizarre, he was super twitchy and wiggly and I can sort of see what it was that made everyone scared. He wasn't coated in blood, meat or stuffed animals, he wasn't triple kissing with a celeb old enough to be his mom, and he never once had to be suspended above a crowd with flames and indoor fireworks.
Elvis paved the way for the shock. Did he have any idea that the shock he would provide would just give us tired old antics of trying to piss off the right group of people?
Every time I open my gossip websites and see: "Nicki Minaj pissed off an old dude", " Lady Gaga is carrying around a mutilated crocodile", "Madonna is still doing shit even though she looks like the crypt keeper" or "Beyonces baby was awarded to her from the devil in a super secret Illuminati pact that will cause the end of the world" all I can do is give it a good jack off hand with an extra noisy "sploot" at the end.
I need to get into the mentality of "Elvis is evil because he is aware of his hips, I want to be aware of my hips therefore I must be evil."

Pictured: Someone in need of a squeegee and nap:

 Pictured: Hide your families because your eyes will be seared from their very sockets, behold the evil filth of the hip swivel!

Seriously, how do his legs do that?

I have been duped and neutered

I am livid, for reals livid.
I recently bought "A Dirty Shame" and did you know that the MPAA has raped this film?! I'm sorry, has coerced the film to have relations that it did not ask for.
No joke, like didn't say balls, and has cut out minuscule frames, it makes no difference if it's in there.
If you were going to watch this movie you know what you're in for, for fuck's sake didn't I just blog about how I watched a chicken get smushed by humans while boning, and now I'm watching something that won't let people say the word boner?! I watched Mink Stole, naked, with a dyed electric red snatch suck a guys big toe, and now I watched her with redubbing of the word boner.

I'm pissed, for real.
Now pardon me for a moment while I post something obscene:

Not obscene enough.

Now pardon me while I take my top off and run around for a bit.

Throw in a chicken for good measure

This afternoon I did it. I sat down and watched Pink Flamingos, the smuttiest of smut, the filth of all things filthy, the holy grail of nast. It lived up to its name. Maybe I'm not easily bothered by things because all I know is there wasn't one scabby pein to be seen, and that makes my day.

Few things about the movie: 

Edie is terrifying, she freaks my freak and I can't help it. Until the bonus footage where there's a scene of her playing with hard boiled eggs and it's probably the cutest thing ever. Also, it is coincidental that she is vaguely reminiscent of Big Edie Beale, right?

Mary Vivian Pierce is gorgeous, she's nasty and hot all at the same time and I have a friend who looks far too much like her. 

Divine did it, she is the most vile thing ever and I love every second of it. From the receding hairline to the meat shoved between her thighs, I worship the fame hunger that is Divine. 

Dog shit. Yea, it happened, but I'm glad to know that it looks like a good chunk of it was spit right back out, and that it didn't happen like I had pictured it either, thank god ( or thank Divine I suppose because she does proclaim herself god there at the end). Topping it off, that was one of the cutest dogs ever, so at least there's that. 

I must have been ruined by the internet or my imagination or something because on a whole there wasn't a  lot that made me gag, once that asshole got a little runny I did avert my glance. For the most part that "shock" did what it was intended to do, caused laughter. I love Raymond Marbles (David Lochary) and his ridiculous attempts to be a perv as well as his over the top ridiculous mustache (and all of the great wig work, that man was a god with a rat tailed comb)

Now onto my new personal lord and savior: Mink Stole. 

She is who I want to be when I grow up damn it, from her tiny little tits to her fur coats, I want it all. 

                           currently I'm attempting that hairstyle and typing at the same time...

Any one who utters the phrase : "I love you more than anything in this whole world! I love you even more than my own filthiness! More than my hair color! " is a winner in my book, and must be in love.

There are two major lessons that this movie has given me to apply to Crybaby:

1.) Babs, Connie and Raymond act out their filth but do it in the biggest most declarative way possible. It isn't enough for Connie and Raymond to have girls chained up in their basement so they can sell black market babies, oh no. They have to sell those babies to lesbians AND use the money to sell heroin...in elementary schools. 

It's the mentality of " Hey, everybody look over here, I'm about to do something depraved...are you watching? You had better get your cameras because it's going to be one hell of a doozy of a nasty thing I'm gonna do". That's what the drapes do. They aren't perpetually doing terrible acts of no-good-ed-ness, they're playing music, hanging out with their friends until someone comes along who they have to prove themselves to. they have to make a big deal in a public place so everyone knows that they're the baddest kids around. 

2.) I'm also reading Role Models by Mr. Waters and it has one of the most pertinent quotes, in regards to his movies and this show.

"...and I knew that not only did I want to be a teenager-I wanted to be an exaggeration of a teenager." 

Whether it's being a teenager necking (facing?), the eyebrows drawn onto the side of Divines head, or the killer acting I have to keep thinking: Exaggerate That Shit. There is soooooooo much bigger than what I've got going on, I have only hit the level of actor whose gotten comfortable and is ready to play a little. I have to be, "Holy moses what drugs did that girl take before she walked out here." 

Last thing I swear! 

One of my favorite Online Magazines Rookie Magazine (Tavi Gevinson one of my all time girl crushes heads it), just had a post  about John Waters, I lost my shit when I signed in and their photographer had her collection of photos with an interview on it's way. Seriously, it is not to be missed: 

Please lets all thank Hazel from Rookie

Check out the rest, you know you wanna